So, for those of you who may or may not remember (and it's totally ok) Last year on June 28th my Father Died at the age of 56 after living for 13 years with a transplanted heart taken from an 18 year old who had died in a car accident on the DC beltway in 1993. It wasn't his heart that failed him. It was the medicines you have to take every day to keep your body from rejecting the heart. Those medicines are not designed to be taken for long term. The meds destroyed his liver and kidneys. The average life expectancy with a transplanted heart is 6-9 years. The fact that he got 13 is a true blessing. So though it was a sad time, to loose him, I was really greatful for the 13 extra years I got to know him.
On the first anniversary of his death, my stepmother (his widow) and my niece Ashley drove from Richmond to Chicago, to be somewhere else on the sad day. Ashley was the closest to him of all 4 of his step-grandchildren. My stepmom stayed with her son Michael and Ashley spent 4 days with me. I had to work most of the time, but she came with me and helped out, and I let her see the show we have running at the VGT, and we did some sightseeing. It was super fun. She talked about my Dad a lot. I think she needed to. She had just gotten a watch that my Dad had given her (it had been his) back from my brother who had accidently taken it by mistake. And she was very excited to have it back. She talked about school and friends a lot too. (She's 13 and going into the 8th grade) I think she needed to do that too. Her mom had asked me to talk to her about her friends and the way she talks. (her mom finds her use of slang, and put on accent too "Urban" for her taste and wanted me to try and perswade her to be herself) After spending much time with her, I realized, that at this moment in her life, this IS herself. She is still trying to figure out who she is, and how she wants to be. I went through it, her mom went through it (I just dont think she remembers), and when in the company of me, or my friends, or while at work she knew to tone it down, which shows me that she isnt just being a punk, she is simply trying on different attitudes to see what best fits. And thats really ok with me. I tried to tell her she would have an easier time at home if she toned it down there too, but at 13 I dont think she will. Rebellion is half the fun at that age.
I never really got along with my stepsister Dana. And for a long time because Ashley looks like her and talks like her I just assumed Ashley wouldn't like me either sisnce her mom doesnt. But this week really showed me that all the time I spent when Ashley was small (3-8yrs old) getting to know her, and taking her out, and being a good Aunt to her, had forged a bond between us that I had not realized existed till this weekend. She isn't Dana. She's Ashley, and She likes me because I am a good Aunt, who has always been honest and true to her. I don't judge, or make demands. I lead by example instead of dictating, and I think she is close to me for the same reasons she was close to my father. (she used to go to the theater with him like I did when I was groing up). It wouldn't suprise me if she went into theater when she graduates high school. Probably best profession for her actually. Anyway, it was nice to see all the time I spent driving to VA from West Va and Wilmington to spend time with her and her brother Randy when they were small was not for nothing. She knows I am here if she ever needs me and I now know definatively where I stand in her life. And I am happy about that.
Thanks Dad for bringing us together. I hope you were hanging around this weekend and saw how much fun we had in your honor. You were missed.
And for those of you who are Aunts or Uncles, or about to be. No matter what your relationship with their parents, your neices and nephews will not hold it aganst you if you forge solid roots with them. And even if you think they could are less about you, you will find out one day how much you really meant to them all along.
